Microsoft Marketing Strategy Breaks New Ground

Microsoft has completed its analysis of potential future marketing strategies from a shortlist which included ‘Windows – its good for you’ ‘Microsoft – when the going gets tough’ and ‘****** Windows. This time its personal’.

Microsoft attracted much controversy from one of their early proposals demanding that people buy their operating system and if they didn’t threatening to use Anthea Turner for the next ad. This was shelved after a co-ordinated attack from the Advertising Standards Agency, the United Nations (incl Iran), Save the Children, the Cornish Coast Guard and Anthea Turner’s mother who quoted swathes of text from the Geneva convention. The US military was forced to state unequivocally that it has not used Windows 7 or Anthea Turner on any terror suspects at guantanamo bay and in the end, the campaign was dropped and replaced with the current one featuring the line “I’m a PC and Windows 7 was my idea.”

The advert features a member of Microsoft’s technical support staff – ie a robot (or as the advert claims, a ‘pc’) – taking the blame for decades of software bugs which have literally changed the face of computing. Other adverts feature further simulations of humans claiming that they in fact invented windows 7.

“This has completely turned the tables” said Nick Clegg a protester in Chicago, formerly a typing assistant from Sheffield who was simply trying to make the text on the screen go bold when Microsoft Word inadvertently killed his boss. “Once we were the angry mob surrounding the inventors of Microsoft. Now the inventors of Microsoft are surrounding the angry mob. We call it the ‘I’m Sparticus’ strategy.”

Asked why customers have queued in their thousands for the product, a representitive from the paperclip protest group Save Our Lives said: “Well its pretty obvious isn’t it? They’re queing. They’ve obviously never even heard of the Internet. Maybe they think they’re buying one.”

Sociologists have been keenly studying the response to the new operating system.
“Years ago people wanted flying cars. They said why have you not invented flying cars yet when the Jetson institute projected that you should have done. Well I’ll tell you why not. Microsoft Windows. All the flying car simulations use it, and they model the sky as a blue screen of death. If we actually did manage to get flying cars nowadays, they would probably have windows on them and noone would put their children inside.”

Asked whether he has annoyed everyone enough yet, Bill Gates had this to say:
“I’m a PC”

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